Hurray!!

AHHHH THE ART TO CONTOURING AND HIGHLIGHTING HAS BEEN REVEALED!!! Look at the picture below and just follow!! Idiot-proof (well, almost)!!

Yummy Delish!

Had dim sum the other day for lunch cos Mum was craving for it. Can't remember the exact name of the place and googling it doesn't give any answers. Anyhow, there was the word "Kowloon" in it and it's located in Ang Mo Kio. Overall, the quality was so-so only. It may be because I'm really picky about the quality of my dim sum and I really can't stand lousy food. So this a review of the stuff we ordered and recommendations.

Egg tarts.
REALLY GOOD! May be a tad too sweet for some. Only wish they had bigger servings and slightly crispier crusts. Must try! $3.50 for 4 egg tarts.

Yam puffs.
Horrible little things arrived cold (at room temperature), making them already unappetising. Filling inside was pretty tasty but the temperature spoilt the whole dish. $3.00 for 3 yam puffs.

Century egg pork porridge.
This was damn good stuff, and it comes from someone who absolutely hates solidifed eggs of all kinds (e.g. hardboiled eggs, century eggs). Porridge was smooth and savoury without being too overpowering. Pieces of you tiao were of the right crispiness. MUST TRY! $2.80 for a bowl.

Chicken feet.
I personally don't like chicken feet so this was Mum's dish. The sauce was really good though. $3.00 for a plate.

Shrimp dumplings.
This dish is easily my favourite of all the different types of dim sum, so imagine my horrified face when this arrived, tasting very much like the frozen ones one can purchase in the supermarket. Skin was wayyyy too thick and chewy and just ruined the whole thing. Shrimp was too salty and the dish was generally a pain to chew and swallow. $3.00 for 3.

Char siew pau.
Pau itself was a bit to hard and chewy and the meat seemed to consist of more fat than anything else. Plus there was too little filling. Tasted decent, I suppose. $2.80 for 2.

Pork ribs rice.
I usually don't take much meat but this was an exception. Pork ribs were very tender with the right amount of fat. Sauce was delish on piping hot steamed rice. Really really really tasty. $3.00 for a bowl.

Okay just realised 2 pictures are missing :( We had 2 other dishes, Hongkong-style char siew chee cheong fun and glutinous rice wrapped in lotus leaf. The chee cheong fun was savoury and the skin was soft but not frail ($3.00 for a plate). The glutinous rice was very tasty with the faint but distinct taste of the lotus leaf. I only wish they had more ingredients in there. There was one pathetic mushroom and about 7 strips of meat. Pfft.

Kay, gonna end here cos I gotta leave for dinner. And I hate blogging on my phone cos the Blogger app is so frickin lousy. I can't move my pictures around and it doesn't autosave! Moreover it tends to crash when the app has been open for a while so I lose a whole post with no draft! Grrr.

Regrets And Mistakes, They're Memories Made

This post is long delayed and I thought I better get down to documenting this rather momentous event of my life at the not-so-tender age of 18 years 350 days old. For those wondering, yes, I'm turning 19 real soon! Whoop whoop!

Anyhow, on 2 March, I received my long awaited (long-dreaded) A level results. Going through my 2011 archives would reveal how inherent studies were to my life, as part of my preparation for the most horrific examination yet. Firstly, there weren't even many posts cos I didn't have the time to compose coherent posts that were worthy of being read. Most posts would end with something along the lines of "Bye, I'm off to hit my books again (literally)".

Okay, I'm back. Went to remove my pretty pretty manicure (sobs) and cut my fingernails cos I can't type properly. Neither can I play the piano or guitar properly. Mad pissed with them. Now they're all bare and trimmed, which I can't stand either. Nails must be painted. That will be settled later on after this post

Pretty to bare to trimmed. Sigh, yellow nails now ._.

So back to the issue at hand, how did I do for the A levels?

In the days leading up to 2 March, I had no idea what to expect, or how to feel. While I know I did study my butt off for this, 2011 was a year plagued with quite a bit of insecurities; an inferiority complex of sorts, I suppose. I consistently managed not to do well for the whole year (nothing above a C grade) and I was always surrounded by what I would call "smart people". People who do well academically without the need for backbreaking hard work. People who make scoring As and Bs consistently look effortless. People who are just really smart as shown through one's interaction with them. There's T and Nigel, and the late ones; Amos, Htet and Jeff. I've constantly felt this nagging that I'm not as smart as they are. Sure I aint't completely dumb, but I'm no where as good as them. I have to work harder than them, I have to put in more effort to understanding and committing to memory things that they have long understood and memorised. But because I hate being looked down upon or even pitied, I just kept all these to myself, not even telling T. As a result of all these, I was quite resigned to the fact that I just might screw up my A levels.

My mum kept telling me that I've given it my best, therefore I should be satisfied with whatever results I receive. But one painful lesson I learnt in 2011, is that sometimes, one's best may not be enough. Even my conscience is assuaged that I did my best, so what? Ultimately, I still will not be able to go to the university course of my choice, which that in itself is a failure to me. I won't be able to get a good job that pays well to support my parents and my future family. Plus I would be a burden to my parents, both emotionally and financially which I would hate very very much. Very very very low tolerance for failure in my life.

And yet, this tiny part of me still demanded that I at least possess the hope that I do well for the A levels. That I've done my best, so God is going to do the rest. This verse came to mind, and it set my mood for the day of the results:

Not only so, but also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5:4-5

I suppose the tiny part of me was the Holy Spirit's quiet voice, soothing my insecurities and doubts away. I never really saw hope as something that would be useful to me in any way, because I aim to be so pragmatic and objective, and thus hope is just this very abstract human emotion whereby we look forward to something which we cannot ascertain for sure what the outcome will be. Since hope cannot make things certain and concrete, I never placed any "hope" on hope, if you'll pardon the syntax. But the above verse chastened my worldly perspective and showed me that hope is akin to a gift from God to the human spirit, with the intention of making life more bearable. With that in mind, I felt at peace, knowing that come what may, I have hope. And even if that hope fails, God will never fail me. After all, the Bible does say:

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

So I approached Friday without much trepidation, easily falling asleep and waking up to T's face as he came over to wake me up :) Both of us were pretty calm actually. Hahah. Cabbed down to school and had lunch in the cafe. Ahh, memories of this place. You realise that in the end, it is the "bad" things that you remember the most. Having worked so hard and put in so much effort here, studying was a torturous and painful ordeal, that required me to sacrifice so many things; gaming (Tetris and anything LAN related), time with T, sleep and physical appearances, just to name a few. Yet, it is the most poignant memory in my mind, one that will be deeply etched and reviewed frequently in the years to come.

As I sat in the hall, the figures and percentages flew past me in a whirl and I can only recall the figures which were pertinent to me i.e. H2 Literature with 28.4% distinction. Only. Last year was 70+%. I thought to myself, whoops, there goes the only A I'm counting on. Huge congratulations to dearest Adam who was the overall top scorer <3 Proud of you dear boy!! :)

Okay, so after a lot of loooong paragraphs, this is what God thought to give me for A levels:
H1 GP - A
H1 PW - A
H1 Chinese - D
H1 Biology - B
H2 Literature - A
H2 Economics - A
H2 Geography - C
Total rank points: 83.74(84)

Miss K was the one who handed me my results slip, and her words were hilarious, to say the least:

You disappeared from classes and consultations shortly after BT2s but apparently, you made good use of them. You did very well and there are many options open to you.

The moment I received my results, I didn't know how to react at all. Even though Miss K said I did well, it didn't register apparently. It was prolly because I wasn't expecting anything at all. At most I was just expecting a lousy grade for Lit because of the cohort distinction rate. Lo and behold, HELLO LIT DISTINCTION WE FINALLY MEET!! AND MOTHER OF GOD, I GOT A DISTINCTION FOR GP TOO?!?!?!? Then it dawned on me that I had forgotten how to calculate rank points. Then I started panicking. Thank God for my OG kid who was there to calculate the whole thing for me. And when I saw 83.75, I just started tearing up because I was so relieved that I didn't screw up my life. The results were so important, because they would show whether I was stupid or smart. They would show if I would be able to get a degree. They would show whether I had to become a burden on my parents. I remember thinking to myself as the tears fell, omg I'm wearing mascara. Okay, very bimbotic but it matters to me okay!! I ran across the hall to T's class to look for him. He had yet to receive his results. And I literally crashed into him and hugged him and repeated over and over again "I didn't screw up my life". Apparently, the darling heard it as "I screwed up my life" and started panicking. Andrea came over and snatched my results slip out of my hands, took one look at it, and went, "It's good what!! Why she say she screwed up her life?" T looked at my results slip and said, "YOU DID GOOD, GIRL. WHY YOU CRY??" I can't remember what I replied cos I was so incoherent and the only sentence I could form was "I didn't screw up my life". Waited with T to receive his results, and the darling the darling scored straight As with the exception of a C for H1 Economics. So so so very proud of him <3 Above and beyond that, I was so relieved that both of us had done well. If either of us had done badly, I can completely imagine our parents blaming our relationship for the bad results. Both of our great results proved to our parents that we were able to handle a relationship, as well as our studies, perhaps giving them reason to put more trust in us as a couple :) Yay.

Didn't take any pictures on that day at all. Completely slipped my mind. Ahah.Only one I actually took was with T at Pasir Ris, before he left for his field camp on the same day. Miss him quite badly :( No communication at all for 6 days :'(

Hensum recruit

These results mark with a finality and a bang, the end of my 2 year education at Saint Andrew's Junior College. In the great scheme of things, I don't regret my time spent there; the friends I've made, the teachers who taught me, the wonderful canteen operators, and last but not least, a lovely boyfriend <3 I'm thankful for God's presence in my life, leading me to this junior college, into the lives of the many friends and teachers that I've come across. I envision myself maintaining contact with the friends I've made in the past 2 years; Amos, Htet, Jeff, Chak, Clarence, Shili, Jesslyn, Nigel, Sylvia, Gerald Yow, Darren, Ivan It has truly been the experience of a lifetime.


To God be the glory.


Felt like ending off with pictures of my darling sister who's 9 this year!

Now

4 years ago. SHE GREW FATTER!!!

I'm Actually Quite Smart! *gasp*

I'M NOT STUPID AFTER ALL!!!!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!!

Make-Up-Less, Complete With Eyebags

Been down with a fever recently. Odd thing is, the higher the fever, the better I feel. It's currently 38.9 degrees Celsius but I feel much better as compared to when the fever was around 38.1. Ahah. But one's thing's been constant: this annoying body ache that makes me feel ridiculously lethargic, even when the fever doesn't feel like it's frying my insides.

Every Day I Love You

 Recently, I got reminded of this song while outside Orchard Ion waiting for R to finish his stick. It was released in 2008 and I heard it on the radio. Instantly, I loved it and had to find out the name of the song and the artiste. Unfortuntely, Shirlyn Tan (local talent, of course) is just a one-hit wonder. Her other songs are pretty meh. This music video is like whut. But the song is great :)

Well, it's Valentine's Day today. While I didn't get to spend it with T, it was surprisingly a pretty awesome day still :) Baked cupcakes, played Blackshot, painted my nails with new colours, spent quality time with my dog, dinner with Ivan at nex (ate fast food, of all things), fantastic Starbucks Valentine's Day deal (2 grande drinks + 2 decent cupcakes = $9.80), cooked dinner for mum, mango, pear and tau huey for supper. Hehe.

Lemon meringue cupcake on the left and dark chocolate truffle on the right.

China Glaze's Aquadelic and O.P.I's Need Sunglasses? I have yet to find bright yellow polish which does not streak. Damnnit. This manicure took 4 coats to completely smoothen out streaks. China Glaze one was great.

While walking Bobby, he tried to squeeze in between the bars. And he can't get through cos he's too fat hohohoho. Took him about 4 tries to realise that he's too "buff"!

Miss T a lot. Doesn't help that he's gotten himself confinement for misplacing his iPad. Geez. Well, not like I'm gonna run away or anything. I'm still going to be stuck on this island, waiting (patiently) for him to return. Made him a video for Valentine's Day since we couldn't spend it together. BUTTTT. He hasn't seen it yet. Zzzzz.

I got pretty depressed (ironically) taking and re-taking AND re-taking the video at 3am so I decided to take a few pictures to cheer myself up :)

A few weeks back, I did a photoshoot for a lovely project, and the raw shots are out! Yay! The shoot was awesome, and so were the people. Okay, it was the people that made it really fun and enjoyable :) Anyway, the picture below proves that I am actually very flexible. Hah. I can't bend over and touch my toes (long legs + short arms = impossibru), but there, I can twist my arm like so:

Ta-dah.

And I found some cute pictures of the little one. Everyone says we look alike. Usually I beg to differ (cos she's so fair and fat, and I'M SO NOT), but in this case...

Close enough.
Even our fringes look similar. Hmmm.

There you go, deprived readers of this space! A nice picture-sy post with lots of quirky stuff :D Nothing much that's emo-femo-nemo. Should endeavour to do more happy posts. Even though T's not around. Something to keep myself occupied, I guess! :)

"Every Day Feels Like 2 Days, And Every Night Feels Like Half A Night."

T is officially gone. Like in the damn holiday resort on Tekong. Sure as heck not there for a relaxing holiday. Gonna miss him damn a lot. WHY WHY WHY MUST YOU DO THIS, PAP. Don't answer that; I do know the answer okay.

Incidentally, today's our anniversary. Or rather, "month-sary" as I've seen how some couples term it. *inserts Jackie Chan meme here* Personally I don't see the point in celebrating each month that goes by in a relationship. I mean, is your relationship that short-lived that it has to be measured in months? What next, weeks? Additionally, I don't see the need for T to make a particular day of each month special. Kinda spoils the whole idea of being special. While that is my opinion on celebrating "month-sary", it feels a bit sadder that we're gonna be away from each other on the 14th month. Tchhh. I'm too used to spending almost every day with him. While two and half weeks will not be the longest I've been separated from him, it sucks to know that he's in Tekong having a relatively tough time. We've been separated for 22 days at most, and even then, knowing that he was enjoying himself tremendously on holiday helped with the annoying I-miss-you-so-frickin-much feelings. It's gonna be a long 2 years but we'll get through it :)

On a lighter note, we've been spending a lot of time together; catching up with friends, having great meals, doing interesting things together. We've LAN-ed with his secondary schoolmates, dinner with Nigel, Gerald, Sylvia and Mok at Tony Roma's, had a picnic at Upper Pierce Reservoir and ate at Casaurina Curry. These memories will have to keep me going for two and a half weeks!

I miss a lot of people, especially all the hensum boys who have gone in :( Can't wait for the 17th so that I can see y'all again :) I'll hurry learn to drive so that I can pick some of you up from Pasir Ris too!

Curses

Feeling so damn pissed right now. Words aren't even coming to mind to express this rage that I've held back for a long time. Bloody hypocritical and arrogant asses. 

Will refrain from writing anything then. Since words spoken in a fit of emotion are probably the words that will carry the most regret.

Never Mind, I'll Find Someone Like You

Why why why do we have to go through such annoying times. Why why why can't things be less complicated. Why why why can't you be less sensitive. Why why why can't I be more sensitive. Ugh. Hate the way things are and yet there's not a darn thing I can do about it.

I wonder if you feel the same way as I do about this retarded separation. I wonder how are you feeling now. I wonder if you ever think of me when the lights are all off and your phone's not longer vibrating. I wonder if you ever look at the places we frequent and remember us there. I wonder if you're reading this right now...

Agree To Disagree

I've never actually truly believed the whole "if-you're-happy-then-so-am-I" theory. Definitely mentioned it before here but it was most probably a product of too much nonsensical rantings... Anyhow, I just found out it's actually plausible in this odd and yet calming way. That knowledge appears to have reassured me that what I did was right and helps me to cope with the fact that you're no longer a part of my life. That being said, I wonder if it's a crutch, a weak excuse that I'm subconsciously employing to make myself forget what we were before. It would be tonnes easier to let the memories fade like the print on old newspapers; quietly, quiescent, contemplative fading.

We both don't know where this is headed. We both don't know if maintaining this relationship is ultimately beneficial and enjoyable. We both don't know if any of us will change. So much uncertainty and I can't stand it. Feel like just putting my foot down and say, enough is enough, and erase everything in the similar way one deletes information from one's computer. Methodically, systematically, monotonously. Then I would be certain that this chapter of my life has ended, and thus, I must move on. And I will. But in reality, nothing is quite as clear cut. I suppose this uncertainty makes us think and consider options so very carefully, separating us from the other living things which act on instinct and automatic reflexes honed as reactions to specific circumstances.

So back to the point, I hate being stuck at such crossroads. And yet, I'm feeling vaguely and oddly comforted by the knowledge that you're traversing happily along the railways of life, even without me, and even without the certainty that our paths might cross again.

Weird huh? To top it off, it's only been slightly over a day since we went our separate ways. Hmmm.


//UPDATED
And btw, I think it's bloody amusing that bitching gets me soooooo much more hits than proper posts e.g. the one on Adelyn Hosehbo. One bitchy post and traffic here goes up 250% (Y) Maybe that's what Xiaxue's blog thrives on; bitchiness, non-conformism and confrontations. Of course, I'm not discounting or ignoring the various other posts through which she has dealt with more serious issues. I'm just saying that people appear to be more inclined towards that which is politically incorrect and unconventional, despite knowing that is frowned upon by society! But oh well, suit yourself, people. Someone has to provide the entertainment!

Finito

Merry Christmas everyone!!
"Tis the season to be jolly", but unfortunately I can't find it in myself to be jolly.. Might be the lack of parties, people and causes for merriment. Don't get me wrong; it's not that I've forgotten the true meaning of Christmas. I know it's Jesus' earthly birthday and His Birth marks the potentiality of salvation for the whole world. That aside, it's been a wonderfully dreary Christmas with lots of rain, arguments, tears and broken relationships. It'll definitely be a Christmas to remember, in a bad way I suppose. To top it off, T's on his way to Toronto to celebrate Christmas with his extended family. Grrrr. I'd book a flight there to spend Christmas with him if only I wouldn't impose on the family in any way. Ugh. Usually I actually like being alone, but I suppose not during such a happy season. But who am I to say, it's only been an hour or 2 into Christmas (gotta be up by 8am to get my butt to church) so not much Christmas-y activities yet eh?

Well, it's unfortunate, to say the least, and I hate being right. Swear I do. Sometimes I just want people and circumstances to prove me wrong. And I'm very disheartened to say that it is ALWAYS the sceptical, cynical and pragmatic me that is right. So this world is nothing but harsh realities and inevitably harsh conclusions? Moving away from you is what I chose to do then and what I should have carried through. Instead, I let my emotions and sentimentality override the objectivity of my decision. If I had carried through my decision then, we wouldn't be in this state. Now, I have to remake the same decision again, only this time, it's a million times harder. But I will, grit my teeth, hold my head high and carry it through this time, because I have no intention of subjecting myself, and even you, to such harrowing decisions, emotions and circumstances.

Thanks for the memories, dude :') They're gonna have to last me for quite a while till I forget about you.

"We're meant to lose people around us, Benjamin. How else would we know how much they mean to us?"
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Your Insecurities Will Consume You

There's a pretty high chance that you'll be reading this since you're so concerned about what I do, who I go out with, why I do what I do. So read closely.

Screw you. Stay out of my life, firstly. Frankly, it's none of your business. Who are you? To me, you're just this miniscule, traumatised and ridiculously insecure person who's on the way to destroying what you have with S. You're very very lucky to have S. so you better treasure it, and wake up, and see that the only threat to your relationship, is you and your damn insecurities.

Secondly, let me assure you that your worrying and fretting is completely unnecessary, an unfortunate product of your overly-emotional state that's pretty irrational. If I had wanted to, you'd be gone from S' life, just like that. No kidding you. After all, I've definitely known S for a much longer period of time than you and it's safe to say i hold as much, or even more sway than you do. But you mean the world to S, and I don't actually desire to see S' heart break. I could, but I'm not going to, at least for now.

So quit imposing your ridiculous and contradicting standards on S, and maybe, your relationship might have a better chance of lasting the year. Stop being such a terribly insecure baby. If you haven't recovered from your previous "injuries", so to speak, have more sense to ensure complete recovery before you embark on another journey with all that excess baggage which will ultimately drag you and S down.

I don't hate you, per se, just extremely annoyed by your imposition of stupid expectations on S that don't make logical sense, which has impacts on me as well. I'm also pissed because these idiotic expectations always put S in a spot, with me always giving in to your expectations. I've had enough of being restricted for stupid reasons, and enough of seeing S having to make difficult decisions all the time. Don't think that what happens between you 2 will only impact the 2 of you. Sorry, hon, you're not the only aspect of S' life. Start thinking about how your silly actions will impact others, way beyond your puny mind can even imagine. Grow up. Then maybe you might be able to save yourself from the shit you're getting yourself into.

Celebrate Good Times, C'mon!

Another picture-heavy post alright! :)

Organised a barbecue at T's place to celebrate the end of A levels. Honestly, it was a bitch organising it, and it didn't help that it rained incessantly on the day itself. T and I were continually ferrying people stranded at the bus stop. I was holding on to T's phone, as well as my own, and both were ringing off the hook. Thank God the barbecue area is sheltered at least! Overall, actually had a very very good time. Food was good, company was good. Also, a few of us adjourned to T's place to play polar bear and nerf guns which was super fun. Friends like these, you never want to lose, ever.

Anyway, a huge thank you to those who came :) Hope you guys enjoyed it and had enough to eat!

Brought Ariane over to T's place earlier so she could swim.

Lookalike

I am freaking amazed at her faith. It was raining quite heavily when we left for T's place. She told me that she had prayed, and she knew, not hoped that the rain was going to stop because she prayed. Dayum.

Indeed, then rain did stop and she got to swim. If there was such a thing as reincarnation, she would definitely have been a fish in her previous life.

Megan, T's youngest sister, who joined Ariane shortly after. 

Ivan and Nigel who arrived early were throwing ball

Muscularrrrr

Sharing a pair of flippers

T's dad throwing pretty pebbles into the pool and making the 2 girls fetch them

Best friends already

Megan sitting on the rugby ball in the water

Ivan and Nigel, our barbecue chefs for the night

Playing with the ice cubes in their mouth

Not gay GAY best friend! Ariane and Megan exclusively called him Teddybear. 

Clarence and Shili playing with the stethoscope. I remember Shili saying she couldn't hear Clarence's heart!

Mokkkkk the honour roll boy!

Jesslyn making sure Shili has a heart

Mok: Shili! How could you do that to Clarence! So irresponsible!
Ivan: Use contraceptives, guys! CONTRACEPTIVES!

Lassie, T's dog. She's daaaamn cute.

Photobombed by the small one. But she's so cuteeeee. 8 years old only!

Special thanks to T's family as well, who let us use their place and were so helpful!

Phew. Now that that is over, it's time for prom!! Hehe. Interesting how time flies. Just a while back, I was the one organising Grad Night, not just attending it. Last year, I didn't shop at all for new clothes/shoes/accessories while this year, everything was all spanking new. Very very nostalgic feeling, knowing that this will probably be the final school event I attend with my cohort. The importance of the event has finally hit me full strength, and now I wonder whether I did an adequate job of organising Grad Night last year. Sigh. Well, one thing's for sure: BRING ON THE HOT BABES! Hehe.